rakontur

The Miami Parking Authority has one helluva scam going…

On February 24, 2008, I put a buck into a master meter off of Brickell Avenue in Downtown (that was my first mistake: going to Gordon Biersch, where the bar smells like the custodian’s closet at a public middle school), and, after sucking up the bill, a message appeared on the display screen: “Machine Out of Service.” I don’t know why it didn’t just say: “Thanks for the buck – GET FUCKED,” because it didn’t return my dollar.

I called the customer service number on the meter, left messages that were never returned and, finally, on March 3rd, I surfed to www.miamiparking.com, where I started an account, entered all my info (name, mailing address, email, etc.), and submitted an “incident report.” And still heard nothing back. I called, was told I would receive a call back from Ailene, and didn’t. Called again, was told I would receive a call back from Angel, and didn’t. Finally, I was told that I would receive a check in the mail for my dollar. And didn’t.

And then I forgot all about it.

Which, at the risk of sounding a bit wingnutty, is exactly what the Miami Parking Authority hoped I would do. After all, who is going to bust balls and waste time going after one dollar? And while it’s just a dollar for me or for you (if you’ve also been mugged by a master meter), I sure bet those unclaimed/forgotten dollars add up for the Miami Parking Authority. Can you imagine how many people per year get their money taken from them by a bum meter and don’t bother to follow up to get it returned?

This is stolen money.

Incredibly, in June of this year, the MPA was declared, “Parking Organization of the Year,” by the distinguished International Parking Institute, who also gives out the Nobel Peace Prize, I believe. In a press release (that was apparently only released on the MPA website), MPA Chairman of the Board Jami Reyes said, “We salute our chief executive officer, Art Noriega, as well as the entire management team and, most importantly, the MPA staff who interact with our customers on the streets and in our lots and garages every day.”

Almost as prestigious as “Pimp of the Year.”

Is Jami kidding? Evidently she’s never had to deal with her own staff. Or she’s thrilled with the way they systematically steal by subterfuge (I love alliteration). Might I suggest that, before he leaves office, George Bush Jr. restages his father’s invasion of Manuel Noriega’s Panama at Art Noriega’s Miami Parking Authority, so we can shut down another foreign government sanctioned criminal enterprise (I’m considering City of Miami a foreign government for the purpose of that joke).

Last week, after more than 8 months, I remembered that my refund never arrived. I checked the status of my “incident report” online and, at the bottom, the MPA had added (in red), back on March 19th: “At the time the machine was out of order.”

Apparently, they investigated my complaint, found that the machine indeed malfunctioned and didn’t send my refund.

I called the MPA (again), sat on hold (again), and was (again) promised a call back. I told the guy that I’ve been promised calls back since March. He guaranteed that he would call me back himself. He didn’t. I called him again Tuesday, December 2nd and, after putting me on hold for several minutes, he came back and said, “We don’t have your mailing address – that’s the problem.” Bullshit. While he was speaking, I was looking at my address right on my MPA online account, which they have had since I registered there on March 3rd. He insisted that he would personally see to it that my refund check was mailed. Despite his assurance, I am not reassured.

Ask Parkee, MPA’s mascot: “Why you wanna fuck me?”

I’ll let you know how my story ends (if it ever does), but I encourage all of you who have been similarly screwed by the Miami Parking Authority to keep calling them. They will lie, dodge, delay, ignore, feign ineptitude, actually be inept — do anything — in order to ensure that you forget or just throw your arms up in frustration and abandon your efforts. But if you are really entitled to a refund: Don’t let these crooks steal your money!